Guyana For Sale

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Last updated: January 25, 2018 at 21:03 pm

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25th January, 2018.

The Granger Administration, after doing a feasibility study, has concluded that the best thing to do with Guyana is to sell it out to a more powerful sovereign state. In an interview with PC Media, the Head of State emphasized that they are fighting a losing battle trying to revive a dead economy: an economy which has died decades ago – in the year 1966 when Britain withdrew its powers from the former colony.

“The struggle is too hard,” the president said, as he broke down in tears, sobbing. “The fight is too hard, and I don’t see how, with such limited financial resources, a country like Guyana could regain momentum and stay abreast of modern trends.”

The Prime Minister, Moses Nagamootoo, agreed. He added, “it’s like nothing you do is good enough for these people…you can take out your karaje and give it to them, and it’s still not good enough.”

Minister of Security, Mr. Khemraj Ramjattan, agreed, suggesting that Guyana would benefit from high international security forces. “If Guyana is purchased by say, the United States or England, just look at the military capabilities of those countries. They have high powered weapons and advanced technology to curb crime. On top of that, the prison system would be greatly improved and criminals would move to different parts of the new state.”

Economist Dr. Clive Thomas also put in his two cents. He said, “the Guyanese economy is struggling. In fact, it is faltering. Our industrial technology is at an all time low compared to those of other countries. If a sovereign state such as Brazil, USA or the United Kingdom purchases Guyana, then Guyana, being a new state in that rich country, would benefit from all the industrialized machines and technologies that are in that country already. And it would also benefit from the strength of that country’s currency.”

Minister of Natural Resources, Rafael Trotman, also agreed with the logic. He said that, already having been given a raw deal by EXCON, he doesn’t know what next to expect. “EXCON, as the name suggests, has dug huge holes not only into our country’s landmass and ocean beds, but also in our economy and the pockets of our citizens. And this should be viewed against a backdrop of our oil being poured out a dime a barrel while our citizens are left with nothing but the hard labour of fetching the barrels of oil.”

So what is the price being sought for Guyana?

7.4 Billion US dollars.

And who are the potential buyers:

1. Brazil.
2. England.
3. The United States.

The President noted that Brazil is already a huge country. And about 1000 Guyanas could fit into Brazil. With a population of nearly 300 million, Brazil would have no problems absorbing the mere 700,000 people into its economy. Aside from that, Guyanese will benefit from learning a new language, lower cost of living, and a wide array of superior Brazilian Products. “We have our eyes on Brazil because Brazil has special interest in using Port Georgetown to export Brazilian products from the state of Roraima,” the president said.

“Our second option for selling Guyana is the original motherland: England. This is the country that originally colonized Guyana, and if it chooses to purchase the nation over once again, the benefits will again be tremendous, which may even amount to the reviving of the sugar industry. On top of that, Guyanese, who would then be British citizens, would be able to travel to England and return as they please.

Our third option is the United States: a nation which is capable of doing just about anything. It’s all about positioning. The United States could use Guyana as one of its major territories, and as an access point to the South American Rainforest. The vast, eco-friendly territory could be developed for biological research purposes and wildlife tourism. Plus there are other benefits too numerous to mention.”

When asked how the money would be used, President Granger responded, “well, I’ve always wanted a new house, a bigger and more luxurious one. You know, one of those houses which, if you walk from one end to the other you get exhausted, and you need an elevator to go from the first floor to the last floor. I would reserve enough money to pay the 20 odd maids and servants required to upkeep it for the next 20 years or so, or until I die. It has always been my dream…you know,” he said emotionally with tears in his eyes.

“And Khemraj wants a Mercedez Benz, Trotman needs his own private Jets, and various other ministers would use the money to retire in private islands all over the world.”

So, is Brazil ready to make Guyana its northernmost state, which gives them direct access to the Atlantic?

Is the motherland ready to reclaim and rename its “British Guiana?”

Or is the United States ready to make Guyana one of its territories?

Bidding is open on a first come, first served basis.


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