Cristiano Ronaldo Represents Himself in Court

football photoIn the recent rape charge against football superstar Cristiano Ronaldo, the Portuguese chose to represent himself in court rather than paying enormous sums for a lawyer.

He testified as his own witness that he had brought Kathryn Mayorga to his hotel room in 2009 after they had agreed to play a game of snake and the ladder. He had the table and chairs all set by the balcony ready for the game to start that day.

But when he and Kathryn reached into the room, the realized that they made the grave mistake forgetting to bring the snake and the ladder board. And it was all Kathryn’s fault.

Apparently, Kathryn had hit Ronaldo up through social media a few months prior to the incident and they had started chatting. During the chat, and through email exchanges, Kathryn explained to Cristiano that the only interest she had in him was to see if she could beat him at a game of snake and the ladder.

“I’m absolutely great at this game,” she said. “And I don’t think that a football player could beat me at a game that I’ve been playing since I was 3 years old.”

Kathryn further stressed that she never felt any amount of sexual or romantic interests in Cristiano.

“He’s just not my type,” she sobbed. “I don’t find him attractive. What does this creep think? I went there only to play one game of snake and the ladder with him, and he wanted to have sex with me?”

Cristiano Ronaldo maintained that Kathryn was indeed telling the truth and that all she wanted was to play snake and the ladder. “I mean, what else do two young people go to a hotel room to do?” he sighed.

But he explained that after he discovered that Kathryn had forgotten to bring the snake and the ladder board, he got bored and frustrated, and he “don’t know what got into him,” and he started to rape her.

However, he admitted that the size of her boots along with her cleavage might have spurred him on.

Nevertheless, he maintains that it is all Kathryn’s fault since she forgot to bring the game.

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