How Guyana Won the War Against North Korea

Last updated: October 23, 2017 at 2:57 am
war photo

The North Korean War Planes as they approached Guyana’s shores.

On the 31st of July, 2017, the President of North Korea, Un One Jong, was outraged with the President of Guyana. Apparently, the then President, Brigadier David Granger, had made an outrageous statement regarding North Korea. What was the nature of the statement or the statement itself will be revealed in a later short story.

However, it must be said that the North Korean President was deeply outraged by the remark. He demanded that President Granger apologize. But the Guyanese President, in trying to do so, only complicated the matter more, by uttering what the North Korean President deemed “a sorry excuse for an apology.”

Some people speculated that this was a lack of education on President Granger’s part, and that of all the troubles he had brought on the country’s economy, this would be the worst.

On the 5th of August, 2017, North Korea declared war against Guyana and started to prepare its military for an offensive. Nuclear submarines, B-1 bombers, aircraft carriers…were all “readied for battle.”

The then President of the United States, Donald Trump, attempted to warn the North Korean President that if he doesn’t stand down the offensive, the United States of America would “consider it disrespectful and respond in kind.” Whatever that meant, only God in heaven knows, but the North Korean President told Donald Trump that if he didn’t “shut his trap,” North Korea would fire a nuclear bomb at the White House.

When Mr. Trump heard this, he started to rattle. His knees started to hit each other violently. His teeth clattered against each other like a grass cutter going full throtle. His fingers started to make music on the desk.

At first, some of the officials at the White House thought that he was trying to imitate the rythym of the war victory song, but upon careful investigation, they found that he was trembling.

Just then, the President of the Cooperative Republic of Guyana, Brigadier David Granger, started to ready his troops. He got his tanks ready, which were very few. But having no gun boat or military aircraft, he told his soldiers that “in the event of an emergency they could take cover under the banana leaves and palm trees.”

The troops stood brave and seemed ready for war. They were shouting. They were chanting slogans. Never had anyone envisioned such zeal for a war on the part of the Guyanese military. Some speculated that it was because the GDF soldiers never had an opportunity to fight anyone before in their lives. So they were “never see, come to see.” It was speculated that the GDF soldiers didn’t really knew what war was all about, since one of them was heard asking the other one, “when ah bullet nack yuh, how lang yuh gaffi play dead fa?”

Within a few minutes, Korean air power was screaming overhead. The military planes whooshed past leaving thick trails of white smoke in their wake.

But the North Korean President was not content to attack from the air; they wanted, as Un Jong Un put it, “to meet the enemy at their own fort.”

President Granger arranged for his best troops to be moved Kitty Sea Wall, where the first showdown was to take place. Businesses closed, residents, in a state of panic, left their houses and migrated far inland.

On the 10th of August, 2017, North Korean planes swooshed overhead, letting off 500,000 troops. They landed on the beach and caught sight of the GDF soldiers, who were just about to fire.

But the commander of the GDF, dodging steadily and raising his head in quick succession, was still undecided as to whether he should even fire.

The commander in charge of the North Korean military was baffled. He started to ask where is the enemy. “It looks like them up there,” said the soldier next to him.

Then they all caught sight of the GDF troops, those dark figures with their little war tank and their flimsy guns, their eyes bulging with fear and their guns shaking in their hands. One by the name of Lyeon Dookwah had fainted out of fear and lay sprawleed on top of the tank of which he was given command.

The commander of the North Korean operation, which was called “Black Hawk Down,” was gripped by a fit of laughter so intense, that he almost died.

And so did the all the North Korean soldiers. After laughing for about six hours, the North Korean soldiers had to be taken to the Georgetown Public Hospital for treatment and were later discharged.

And this is the story of “how Guyana won the war against North Korea.”

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