Use Words Powerfully

This page was first published on the 11th of November, 2016 and last updated on the 8th of May, 2017 by Patrick Carpen.

storm photoRead the three versions of the passage “A Storm at Sea” below. In the first version, the words are plain and simple. In the second version, the words come to life; but in the third version, the words are strong, striking and powerful.

First Version

A strong storm came suddenly. The sea was rough and the ship swayed from side to side. The wind blew really hard and made a whistling sound. The lightning came down steadily and lit up the whole place temporarily. Then the rain came. With lots of noise, it hit the ship, which was already having a hard time, and the sound of it made it impossible to hear anything else. Our vessel started to capsize and we were scared to death.

Second Version

The storm came with unusual strength. As the ship sailed its way through the disturbed sea, it began to sway from side to side. The gale blew across the deck and resounded through the rigging. From the sky overhead angry flashes of lightning lit up the darkness that at other times blotted out everything. Then the rain came. With a roar, it struck our struggling ship and overcame all other sounds. Our vessel began to capsize and we feared the worst.

Third Version

The storm struck with unusual fury. As the ship ploughed its way through the raging sea, it began to sway from side to side. The tempest swept across the deck and whistled through the rigging. From the sky overhead angry forks of lightning stabbed the darkness that at other times obliterated everything. Then the rain dropped. With a clamor, it hammered our struggling ship and erased all other sounds. Our vessel began to heel over and we dreaded the worst.

Related: Use words beautifully.

Related: Use words effectively.

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